Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A Note to my future baby

Back in August, I posted a list of 100 Random Things About Me. Numbers 17 and 18 on this list concerned a little baby boy, a baby who has made recurring appearances in my dreams for years. My suspicion and my hope is that he is a vision of the baby I will have some day. He’s been appearing with some frequency lately, so I thought I would write a note to him, since he’s apparently wanting attention. ;-) His name is Brendan William—Brendan for St. Brendan the Voyager, and William because…. well, because.

Hey, little Brendan. Hey there, my little sweetie!

Yes, I love when you smile at me. You have the cutest smile ever!

But why are you in my dreams so much lately? You know it’s not time for you to be a real baby yet. You have to keep being a dream baby.

Yes, I want to hold you. Very much. I want to feel in my waking life how soft you are. I want to touch your curly hair with my own hands and see if it’s as soft as it seems like it will be, and I want to see you look up at me out of those great big green eyes with that look you give me in the dreams, that look of “Mama’s here and everything is good.” I want to see the sweet simplicity of your baby smile and feel the weight of you in my arms as I cuddle you to sleep.

There’s so much I want to show you, so many wonders in life! I will tell you stories and teach you to live your dreams. I will teach you how to learn and how to live, about dinosaurs and how to tie your shoes, how to make a peanut butter sandwich, how to love.

But this is not the right time, my dearest. Be patient with your mama. Give me some more time to get my life ready for you. I’m working on it, I promise. It will happen.

Be patient, my little one. Just wait for me to be ready, sweet little dream-baby. I love you with all my heart and all my soul already, and that’s why I want you to wait. You deserve a better life than I can give you right now.

Sleep, my love, my sweet baby. Sleep and dream of me, wherever you are, whatever waiting room babies wait in before they’re born. And I will dream of you. :-)


Tirithien said...

He'll be patient. :-)

clew said...

I've been thinking about the green eyed boy from your list, wondering if he'd reappeared lately ;) ...

When you are ready, the already overwhelming love you feel for him now is only a fraction of what it will be when he's here. It'll be worth the wait. :)

Great post! HUGS!

Bougie Black Boy said...

When are you going to bear my child? ? ? ? i'm not so patient!

Bainwen Gilrana said...

Why, Stephen, I didn't know you were interested. *lol*

We never even went out on a date, and here you want me to bear your child. I'm feeling rushed. ;-)

naive-no-more said...

Bainwen, this is a beautiful post that touched my heart closer than you know. Someday I'll post the long, unbelievable story, but for now I'll say that when I was going through a really, really bad time, I asked God to reveal a glimpse of my future for me in a dream. To see if there were children in my future.

I did dream that night and in the dream I saw my husband walking in a campground holding the hand of a blond, curly haired toddler and cradling a small baby in the other.

I can't wait for you to meet your dream baby - when you are ready!

Bainwen Gilrana said...

I would very much like to hear your story someday, Naive-no-more. :-)