Saturday, November 29, 2008

NHL + Thanksgiving + Delirium

Last night, I was taking a break from writing a horrible, hateful, won't-come-together, can't-motivate-myself paper (which is due Monday!) to sprawl on the couch and watch the Red Wings play the Columbus Blue Jackets.

Apparently writer's block can manifest itself in horrible puns.

"Hey," I said to Casey, "do you know what the Blue Jackets had for Thanksgiving dinner?"

He looked over at me.

"Nashed potatoes!" I exclaimed.

Casey sighed.

A few minutes later, I said, "Do you know what the Dallas Stars had for Thanksgiving dinner?"


"Roast Turco!"

He sighed again.

I thought about that one, and then said, "Actually, since it's Texas, they may have had deep-fried Turco, or maybe barbeque Turco."

"Maybe," said Casey.

A few minutes later, I asked, "So, do you know what the Nashville Predators had for Thanksgiving dinner?"

Casey pretended not to hear me.

"Baked Hamhuis!" I answered myself happily.

"Shouldn't you be writing your paper?" Casey asked.

"And you know what the Red Wings had for Thanksgiving dessert?" I continued. "Chocolate Maltby!"

At that point, Casey pretended like he was going to eat my nose so I would be quiet, so I stopped.

Besides, I couldn't think of any more NHL players whose names related to food.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My personalized Dewey Decimal Number

Jenny Darrah's Dewey Decimal Section:

714 Water features

Jenny Darrah = 05445418818 = 054+454+188+18 = 714

700 Arts & Recreation

Architecture, drawing, painting, music, sports.

What it says about you:
You're creative and fun, and you're good at motivating the people around you. You're attracted to things that are visually interesting. Other people might not always understand your taste or style, but it's yours.

Find your Dewey Decimal Section at

Friday, October 17, 2008

Spork You, Man!

Once upon a time, in the far away city of Anchorage, Alaska, there was a very drunk man.

This very drunk man gorged himself on KFC and went out to wander the streets. He happened to see another man with an awesome watch.

"Give me that watch!" demanded Very Drunk Man.

"Never!" said Other Man.

Very Drunk Man tried to rip the watch away from Other Man's wrist, but the watch held firm.

So Very Drunk Man stabbed Other Man with a plastic spork and ran away.

Very Drunk Man is now serving a year-long prison sentence for felony assault with a deadly weapon. It was a plea deal. (Word has it that the judge begged the attorneys to work out a plea deal because he or she would be unable to try the case without laughing his or her be-robed ass right off the bench.)

And just so that you don't think I made this whole thing up, here's the news report from the Anchorage Daily News!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Ban Dan Brown!

Dan Brown novels are a menace to society! He should be banned at once.

Yahoo! News reports that a 25 year old man who stabbed a priest in a church in Rome did so because Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code led him to believe that he was the Antichrist.

So, since every time an act of violence is perpetrated by a young person, organizations such as the American Family Association and Jack Chick Ministries call for bans on violent video games, why are they not now calling for a ban on Dan Brown's novels?

Oh, right. They think the Catholic Church is the Antichrist, and Catholics aren't true Christians. Why, they probably think this delusional man in Rome did them a favor by removing one of "the Devil's servants" from the world!

Now, I've read both The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons, and I must say, the violent video games are usually of far higher quality.

Dan Brown represents a danger to our culture and values! (Or at least, the culture and values of those who advocate quality storytelling!) Wake up, America! Won't someone think of the children? Where is the outrage?

But I'm not about to call for a ban on books of any form, certainly not just a few days before the ALA's Banned Books Week!

No, I just think we should ban Dan Brown himself. Someone keep that man away from the computer!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Best. Counter-Protest. EVER.

Westboro Baptist Church, run by the "Reverend" Fred Phelps, is quite possibly the most insanely hateful group of bigots hiding behind Bibles I have ever heard of in my life. These are the ones who run the website "" These are the ones who show up at soldiers' funerals to protest, because of course the US is such an ungodly nation for not stamping out TEH GAY that these soldiers deserved to die.

It seems that the Phelps gang got more than they could handle when they decided to protest in Little Rock, Arkansas on Friday, September 19th.

September 19th, you see, is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Thusly, the Central Arkansas Pastafarians organized the best WBC counter-protest of all time.

They dressed up like pirates and headed downtown, where they stood across the street from the Phelps gang and promptly proceeded to steal all the attention!

Note how their signs point out the other things God supposedly hates, according to the Book of Leviticus: "God hates shrimp!" "God hates cotton-polyester blends!"

According to Leslie Newell Peacock of the Arkansas Blog (which is part of the Arkansas Times), the Westboro fools couldn't handle not being the center of attention. "With cars honking and waving at the pirates and a TV crew giving them all the attention, the Phelps group -- with a child in tow, sadly -- picked up their 'fag' epithets and went away. Pitiful."

This is the way to handle the hate groups, at least these ones who are no more than mouth-running attention whores. Don't try to take their free speech away, just use your free speech more loudly! (The hate groups who actually use violence, well THOSE ones you have my blessing to handle in whatever creative ways you see fit.)

Check out the guy in the back of the Pirate Pastafarians, by the way. It's Gandalf! If Gandalf himself shows up to join in your counter-protest, you're OBVIOUSLY doing something right. (I know, it's probably supposed to be God as portrayed in Renaissance artwork, but it looks more like Gandalf to me.)

I think if Phelps and his phools ever come around here, I will try to gather up a gang to counter-protest while wearing funky awesome costumes.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Hair Length Woes

My hair has gotten to be shoulder length after several years of keeping it shorter. This is the phase when I usually start getting irritated with it and chop it off again.

You see, the problem is, it wraps around my neck when I roll over in my sleep and wakes me up! I can't stand having anything snug around my neck. Including, apparently, my own hair. I've tried putting it in a braid at night, but the braid is lumpy!

This is just not good. Help!

Sunday, June 08, 2008

And the parade!

Because what fun is winning the Stanley Cup without a great big party?

But first, a shot from the party Mike Illitch threw for the players and their families and friends when they arrived at Detroit Metro Airport early Thursday morning. Could it possibly be any more random? Aaron Downey and an unknown woman, presumably a friend of his, are doing the hustle, while a REALLY PISSED-OFF-LOOKING chef walks by in the background. I don't think this one needs any LOL help from me!

The rest of the photos are courtesy of the Detroit Free Press, of course. Thanks, Freep!

Epic Win: Stanley Cup Finals, Game 6

Detroit 3, Pittsburgh 2. That's all the commentary it needs. :-)

(Most photos courtesy of the Detroit Free Press, except the triple shot of Marc-Andre Fleury, which originally came from NBC and was stop-motioned by my mom.)

Finals, Game 4

I had started LOLing Game 4, but then Game 5 happened, and it's rather hard to LOL after a 3OT loss! So there are only 3 pictures for Game 4 because that's all I got done. (The picture of the Penguins bench is actually not from this game, but it seemed an appropriate place to put it.)

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Stanley Cup Finals, Game 2

With today's LOLs, we showcase my favorite joke of all time:
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!

Plz to be having funs now, k?

(Photos from the Detroit Free Press and Detroit News.)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Stanley Cup Finals, Game 1

Well, this had to be the best start to a game I have ever seen. First, Pittsburgh goalie Marc-Andre Fleury tried to run dramatically on to the ice to start the game.... and promptly fell flat on his face!
(No, I didn't give it a caption! It's too perfect! Adding anything else would ruin it!)

Next, when Pittsburgh's starting line was announced, Budd Lynch, the very dignified rink announcer at Joe Louis Arena, announced Pittsburgh's hugely overhyped and whiny crybaby captain Sidney Crosby as "Steven Crosby."

But the beginning, as gloriously entertaining as it was, was not as perfect as the ending. Red Wings 4, Pittsburgh 0. WOOOOOOOT!

(Photos this time are from the Detroit Free Press AND the Detroit News, with the exception of the picture of Marc-Andre taking the fall, which is from CBS Sportsline.)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ohai, i give u lolz nao.

Western Conference Champions! WOOOOT!

(Photos courtesy of the Freep, as usual. Thank you, Detroit Free Press photographers, for making my new hobby possible!)