Spork You, Man!

Once upon a time, in the far away city of Anchorage, Alaska, there was a very drunk man.

This very drunk man gorged himself on KFC and went out to wander the streets. He happened to see another man with an awesome watch.

"Give me that watch!" demanded Very Drunk Man.

"Never!" said Other Man.

Very Drunk Man tried to rip the watch away from Other Man's wrist, but the watch held firm.

So Very Drunk Man stabbed Other Man with a plastic spork and ran away.

Very Drunk Man is now serving a year-long prison sentence for felony assault with a deadly weapon. It was a plea deal. (Word has it that the judge begged the attorneys to work out a plea deal because he or she would be unable to try the case without laughing his or her be-robed ass right off the bench.)

And just so that you don't think I made this whole thing up, here's the news report from the Anchorage Daily News!