Saturday, December 31, 2005

End of the Year

I don't have a very good history with New Year's Eve.

Up until now, I'd say the best NYE celebration I've managed (since I've been old enough to do anything interesting, at least) was the year I was 18. I watched a Godzilla movie marathon with my brother, who was 4 at the time. And if a giant radioactive dinosaur can't brighten up someone's New Year's Eve, I don't know what can.

But now 2005 drifts away quietly, washed away softly into the river by the rain that's been falling all day. I can't say I'll be sorry to see this year go.

Of course many good things happened to me this year. Falling in love was certainly not the least of those. But so many bad things happened as well, especially early in the year. So much turmoil, so much change!

If I'd written such a thing on New Year's Eve 2004, it would have looked completely different. A year ago, I was still married, though the tensions which would eventually bring the marriage to its breaking point were beginning to grow. A year ago I was settling in for a rather mundane life, believing that it was all that there was.

Come to think of it, it could easily be argued that New Year's Eve of 2004 was the beginning of my realization that the marriage could not last. There was a horrible party, a horrible fight, a horrible drive home, all ending with me sitting up until 2 or 3 AM alone because I was too stuffed up from crying to sleep yet. All alone, pouring out my tale of woe on the snopes message board, because I had no one else to talk to.

Oddly enough, other snopesters were still awake, and offered me a glory of cyber comfort and tried to make me laugh until I felt better and could go sleep. Tirithien was one of those friends. Kindness to virtual strangers can have very long-lasting and unforeseen effects, apparently.

The ex and I patched up that New Year's Eve fight, but nothing was ever quite the same between us again. Trust had been broken, and never quite healed up.

This year, I swear will be different. 2006 is a year of great possibility, full of magic and hope, and I will see it in quietly, nestled safe in the arms of the man I love.

And that's all I ever really wanted of a New Year's Eve celebration anyway.

Happy New Year, friends. :-)

5 comments:

Tirithien said...

*gentle kiss*

I love you, my kola. Happy New Year. :-)

martie said...

Thank goodness for change....for witout it you never would have met tirithien!! What a lucky break for the two of you! Change is good! even though it may not seem so at times.

naneth said...

A reason for everything, and everything for a reason. What doesn't make sense at the time, and may seem SO unfair, leads you to places you never knew existed.
Happy New Year, my dearest.
(((hugs)))

naive-no-more said...

I was going to say again, "what's meant to be will always find a way". And then I remembered the blog-wide sing along that started after that comment back in Sept. :)

Bougie Black Boy said...

Yeah, Things will be much better. And, I think that for the first time in a long time, you're able to sit back, evaluate and re-evaluate your present, past and current situations in life. And, you're able to say these are the things that need to change, and these are the ways I will change it.