Monday, March 20, 2006

Embarrassing Myself

So, I had my first full meeting with the Council of Elders yesterday, and it was horrible.

Almost 3 hours. We started at 11:45, about 15 minutes after the service ended, and finished at 1:30. I was already worn out from everything that’s going on, plus I was hungry, so I was already unhappy. 3 hours of quibbling over the most minor and stupid of details.

About two hours into this marathon of crapitude, one of the vestry members, whom we shall call D, started questioning the way the Search Committee (those of us doing all the work to find us a new priest) have been handling things. Not questioning as in asking questions, but as in challenging what we’ve done and the way we’ve done it. Those of us on both committee and vestry tried to explain that our process was set by the diocese, not by us, and there was nothing we could do about it. He wouldn’t shut up.

Finally I yelled at him. “If you didn’t trust us to make these choices you should have never voted us onto the committee in the first place and it would have saved us a hell of a lot of free time over the past year and a half!” I don’t think he even heard me, because he was still muttering under his breath. Ass.

About two and a half hours in, our Senior Warden was trying to get someone to volunteer for a new committee which is being started, a stewardship committee (stewardship being the trick of getting people to volunteer their “time, talent, and treasure” to the church). No one was speaking up. One person, whom we shall call A, said that he thought I would be very good at it so I should do it.

I tried to refuse calmly and explain that I was far too busy and worn out, but instead I burst into tears. I couldn’t stop sniffling for the rest of the meeting, and then I wailed the whole way home and for probably about an hour afterwards. Then I fell asleep because I had worn myself out.

How very embarrassing.

Even worse, I have to go to a search committee meeting tonight, so I have to face a couple of these people in front of whom I was weeping like a baby again right away, when really I’d much rather just go home and go to bed and stay there until Spring.

Oh wait, it is Spring.

Well, never mind. Guess I lost my chance to hibernate this year.

I think I'm going to run away from home.


Tirithien said...


martie said...

If you need a refuge in your storm let me know and I will send directions! Hugs to you, my dear!

naneth said...

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. The people at the meeting are probably proud of you that you stood up to D.

And bursting into tears is not unheard of; you aren't the first, and won't be the last. Let it go. I'm sure they have (meaning the people at church.) It is okay. Really, it is.

Hope your meeting went well; please let us know how you are doing, okay?

Bainwen Gilrana said...

To my great surprise, the people at last night's meeting who had also been at the vestry meeting were excitedly and proudly telling the others how I had "put D in his place." Apparently this needs to be done every so often, and what felt to me like yelling they all saw as assertiveness. Go figure.

martie said...

Glad it worked out for you! But if you ever get up this way, feel free to look us (me and naive) up!

Bainwen Gilrana said...

I will definitely be visiting if I make it to the other side of the state! Maybe we should have a blogger party. :-)