Wednesday, January 25, 2006

My Descent into Evil

I have a friend whose name is Joe. Joe is Evil.

At least, he says he is.

He claims to have Top Secret Evil Plans to take over the world and rule us all with his iron fist from an orbiting luxury space station. Granted, they’re very vague plans as of yet, but he figures he can fill in the details later.

Naturally, I must oppose these plans. I mean, Evil must be fought in all its forms, right? Even in the form of a friend with whom I exchange rambly emails on boring days at work. So I am now Joe’s arch-nemesis, as well as his friend. (Just because we’re mortal enemies, it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, you know.)

Today we were discussing the prevalence of snarkiness on the internet, and wondering what should be done about it. I suggested that once Tirithien gets through med school, we have him invent a type of surgery called a snarkectomy, which would render people incapable of further snark. Joe quite rightly pointed out that surgical removal of snark would be difficult to do, as surgery requires such things as consent. But a snarkectomy would be a mad scientist type of surgery, I explained. Therefore, there would be no need for consent at all. What mad scientist bothers to get the consent of his victims?

Apparently with this I broke character from my “good” persona, because Joe sent me this:

Ah ha! Encouraging non-consensual surgeries! You're coming around to my evil ways. Soon it will be entirely unnecessary to defeat you, since you will have become as evil as I am! BWA HA HA HA!

Okay. I guess I’m Evil now. Fear me. :-P I am Evil. I am wicked. I am immoral and malevolent. I kick puppies… wait, no I don’t. Even if I’m going to be Evil, I still have my standards, darn it!

I’m sure it won’t be so bad. Villainesses get much better costumes than heroines do, most of the time.

But Joe still will have to defeat me... if he can! I’m not giving up the arch-nemesis gig. I mean, if I’m Evil, I’m taking over the world for myself. Evil people don’t have to share. ;-)


Tirithien said...

Evil kola... :-p

Bainwen Gilrana said...

Yes, I am evil now. Gloriously evil. So you had better watch out for what I might do to you. ;-) :-P

Bougie Black Boy said...

but what the hell is Snark? LOL
i'm sooo serious. lol

martie said...

hey bainwen, you'll have to kick joe's ass and if you need help, naive can do it with only one hand! LOL

Bainwen Gilrana said...

Snark is the art of being an asswipe when there's no need for it. The internet is rife with snarkage!

naneth said...

Oh, my baby has turned to the Dark Side!!!


Bainwen Gilrana said...

So, um, like what do evil people do all day? We never learned about Aspiring Evil Empresses in Career Day in school. :-P

Tirithien said...

Do as you will, evil kola.

chillas said...

You know, the usual. I suggest starting off your day with a nice big bowl of Evil-Frosted Flakes (as opposed to Evil Frosted-Flakes, which are normal sugar frosted flakes which are evil; these are flakes which are frosted with evil).

naneth said...

Well, we take lots of naps. That's to save our strength for evil deeds, I suppose.

You have a head start on taking over the world, my Dear. You know all you need to know from Pinky and the Brain.

And do as Chillas says; evil breakfast is the most important meal of the day!

Aithne said...

I knew he was going to take you over to the dark side! He's very sneaky that way.