Friday, January 27, 2006

My Obnoxious Brain

I have noticed that there are times, fairly frequent times, when my brain will just not shut up.

It seems to enjoy making obnoxious commentary at the most inopportune moments, thus leaving me struggling not to laugh in a serious situation.

It gets its jollies most often by trying to make me laugh during choir practice-- or even worse, during choir performances!

For example, last year we sang a song called "Lord of the Dance."
Dance, then, wherever you may be, for I am the Lord of the Dance you see; I will lead you all, wherever you may be, for I am the Lord of the Dance said he.
And of course my brain immediately conjured a mental image of Jesus and the disciples riverdancing on the shore of the Sea of Galilee.

I mean, I found out later that this song was the one on which Michael Flatley based his "Lord of the Dance" step dancing show, but it didn't change the absurdity of the mental image!

Or how about the song we did based on Psalm 23? Actually, just this one line of it:
My table God has spread, in the presence of my enemies.
And my brain thought, "Hey, God must have hit the weekend sale at Gardner White!"

Then there was an actual performance error. The line of the song was:
Hail, thou Universal Savior.
So what did my obnoxious brain have me sing?
Hail, thou Universal Solvent.
And as any high school chemistry student can tell you, the universal solvent is water. Yes, I sang a hymn to water. Which I suppose could have worked if we were doing baptisms that day, but we weren't. I don't think anyone heard me, at least, or if they did, they didn't say anything.

These all happened last year. But lest I get comfortable and think that maybe the obnoxious part of my brain has decided to nap during choir, it started acting up again at Tuesday's practice. The song (which is really very pretty) was thus:
Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling. Calling, O Sinner, come home.
And my brain's response? "Gee, I hope Jesus isn't calling collect. That's really long distance!"

At least I'm not the only one whose brain does things like this to them. On one of the Advent Sundays, we sang "O Come O Come Emmanuel," which I believe is listed in church law as being required during Advent.
O Come, O Come, Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel.
I don't know who did it, but I very, very distinctly heard someone sing, "and ransom Captain Israel."
*doo-doo-doo-DOO!* Captain Israel! Here to save the day from the Canaanites! More powerful than the Dead Sea Scrolls! Able to leap the Sea of Galilee with a single bound!

I'm just glad I didn't sing that one!


Kat said...

That is just TOO funny!!

clew said...

OMG my brain does the same thing. Crazy huh?

Bougie Black Boy said...

i think that you are just telling us so that you can rid yourself of the blasted curse, and make our brains work the same as yours!

Bainwen Gilrana said...

Oh, poot! Stephen figured out my insidious plan!

Well, never mind. You read it, and now you can't avoid the curse. Hahaha! :-P

Tirithien said...

Shall I reveal the most devious one?

Pants, pants, wherever you may be, for I am the Lord of the Pants, said he. I will lead you all, wherever you may be, I will lead you all to the pants, said he...


Bainwen Gilrana said...

Hey, YOU made that one up. That one was not my brain's fault!

martie said...

And I thought that I was the only crazy one out in blog land.....glad to see I have company!

Bougie Black Boy said...

come visit my page. got something you'd love to comment on

naneth said...

Careful, there, Bainwen. You don't want to end up like J. and me, finding humor in the most inane of circumstances; laughing till we can't breathe?! Well, maybe you do! There are worse ways to be. It might get a little uncomfortable at church, getting a laff-attack in the middle of a hymn, hmmm?