Monday, January 30, 2006

Why I Changed My Avatar

Why yes, she is rather different from the dancing water sprite I had up before, isn't she? But in truth, both represent aspects of me.

On the surface, part of the reason I changed pictures is an acknowledgment of my newfound "evilness" from my post a couple days ago. Just being silly, and looking for a different picture.

Part of it goes deeper, though. I have parts of my spirit I'd rather not see. And I have on occasion had flashes of insight when dealing with others, and realized things that they would rather no one knew about, including themselves. An acquaintance put it this way, when I asked her candidly why she had such trouble looking me straight in the eye. She said, "You see things I don't want you to see."

It is not right to be so focused on the light that it is all we can see. Nor is it right to use light as a way of hiding from darkness, for we are all made up of both. We are beings of twilight.

So this new avatar of mine, this dark elf, is a reminder to me to look steadily into the darkness so that I may neither fear it nor be snared by it. The beings of twilight do not do well when they focus on one side to the exclusion of the other. I am learning to live in both parts of life.

12 comments:

Tirithien said...

*looks his kola in the eye* I see how people would be afraid to look you in the eyes, my love. Some people are just as afraid of doing that with me. Yet, I can. I fear not what you may see.

naneth said...

Excellent.

Anonymous Assclown said...

Oooh, an internal struggle between good & evil?
Delicious.

Bainwen Gilrana said...

Not good and evil, per se, A-C. I'm in more of an Eastern philosophy turn of mind today, so it's more like the balance between yin and yang. I know good and evil are included within those, but they are not the main focus of the balance.

Bougie Black Boy said...

why try to balance?

and i dont think it's internal struggles, as AC said, but rather external. lol

martie said...

Wow, this is a great insight.....I think we should all take heed and learn from this post!

Bainwen Gilrana said...

Stevie: I function better when properly balanced. Plus I'm more creative that way.

Martie: Thank you!

Allison said...

R.A. Salvatore writes all about dark elves and one in particular who is but somewhat conflicted. You may want to check him out.

naive-no-more said...

I knew AC would be excited by this post.

Your new avatar reminds me of a video game heroine, but I can't think of which one.

Great insight.

clew said...

Ah, thank heaven! I was beginning to think you were all sweetness and light! ;)

Kat said...

Very brave post Bainwen! However, one of my favorite quotes is 'He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.' - Nietzsche
I agree we need to acknowledge the dark side, but be careful of looking into it too deeply. Remember to surround yourself with the white light! :-)

Bainwen Gilrana said...

Clew: Oh, you did not. ;-)

Kat: I know. It is dangerous. I've spent time at that end of the spectrum too. I seem to be like a pendulum-- I have swung out to the extremes, and now the swinging is slowing down so that I can find a nice balance somewhere in between.