Tuesday, January 10, 2006

An Utterly Surreal Voicemail

At about midnight-thirty, my cell phone rang. NO ONE calls me at that hour, so I figured it was an emergency and jumped out of my sickbed to answer it. It was just a wrong number. The caller apologized and hung up. The phone rang again just seconds later, but I let the voicemail pick it up. I figured that would convince the guy that he really did have a wrong number.

Surprise, surprise! He left me a voicemail, so this morning I was greeted by a message from some guy who apparently feels he is God's gift to women. Here are some of the highlights, bad grammar left intact:

"Hey, girl, I know this a wrong number and all, but you gots a really beautiful voice and you sound like you could use some male attention...."
"I don't know if you gots a man, and I don't care. I can take care of your needs better than he can..."
"So if you wants to get down with your man Jay, I up in DEE-troit, and here's my number...."

Truly a WTF moment! Did the guy really think this would work?

To make it even more surreal, he had kind of smoothed out his voice from the first time he'd called, and sounded now like a bad imitation of Barry White and/or the Ladies' Man from Saturday Night Live.

So, just a note to any wanna-be Casanovas who think that leaving voicemail with a wrong number is a way to meet women: it's not going to work. Instead, it's just going to get your skanky message posted online for all the woman's friends to ridicule.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or be disgusted. I think I'll laugh. But if he calls back again, the cops will be getting a phone call from me!

And I still feel sick. On my way back to bed now. Nighty-night.


clew said...

Omigosh! What a fool! :D Tee hee!

Bougie Black Boy said...

hilarious. . . actually that was me calling.

Bainwen Gilrana said...

It was not. I've heard your Barry White imitation and you sound much better than that guy did.

Tirithien said...

Idjit. :-P

naive-no-more said...

I was going to joke that it was probably Stephen (sorry Stephen).

I'm sorry that you are sick. The stomach flu sucks!!! Get better!

Anonymous Assclown said...

The most drop-dead stunningly gorgeous woman I know met her boyfriend after he saw her in the OPPOSITE lane of traffic on the highway, cut through the median and pulled up next to her on the off-ramp. So soemtimes it works.

Bainwen Gilrana said...

Somehow that seems less creepy. Ridiculously dangerous, but less creepy.

You know, I almost hope that this guy does call back so I can refuse him, and then if he asks why I don't like black men (for so he sounded from his vocal quality), I can tell him I prefer that my black men be bougie. ;-)

naive-no-more said...

The most drop-dead stunningly gorgeous woman I know

AC ~ I didn't meet my boyfriend in traffic.

clew said...

I did!!! ;D

Bougie Black Boy said...

y'all are going nuts on this page!

Anonymous Assclown said...

I'm not even going to go there. No good could possibly come from that.